I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
