he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
