can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
