Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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