good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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