I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
