a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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