someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
