why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
