My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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