I smell stomach acid.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
