i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
