thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
