You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
