I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
