Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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