next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
