As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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