Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
