I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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