your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You need Xanax blowdarts
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
