It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
