his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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