She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
