two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
