Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
