I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
