I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
