if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize