Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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