Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
