if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
