Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
