We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
