At least make sure they are 18
Why
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
