How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
