Need sex. Gaining weight.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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