Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize