Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
