so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
