You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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