The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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