I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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