I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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