All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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