i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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