Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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