At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
