guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
