FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
