Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just gift wrapped bread.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
