I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
