dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We are all done wearing pants today
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
