Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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