one word: firstdatebathroomanal
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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