someone threw a dead crab at me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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