Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
