someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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