Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
