Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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