Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
