I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
