I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
