I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
