I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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